


I Kind of Do Need to Talk About Sex for Awhile

by Elucreh, sunsetmog



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, E-mail, M/M, Phone Sex, Sex Work, ficcish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-17
Updated: 2012-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 23:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/436780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elucreh/pseuds/Elucreh, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/pseuds/sunsetmog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Also, one drawback of watching super latenight tv is that I kind of want a story where Brendon works for a phone sex line that Spencer calls. And then accidentally meets him in rl because he's Jon's roommate.</p><p>(E-mail ficcish, not really complete or coherent, found in the ancient archives of our fluff obsessions)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Kind of Do Need to Talk About Sex for Awhile

**Author's Note:**

> So one day Lu was looking for something else entirely (still haven't found it) and spent several hours lost in the yards and yards of fluff she, sunsetmog and harriet_vane had ficcished at each other when they were all in bandom. It made her nostalgic and happy, so they all decided to post the ficcishes so other people could be nostalgic and happy too. 
> 
> This one is harriet_vane's fault, starting June 27, 2009

**Harriet_Vane:** Also, one drawback of watching super latenight tv is that I kind of want a story where Brendon works for a phone sex line that Spencer calls. And then accidentally meets him in rl because he's Jon's roommate.  
  
 **Sunsetmog:** Does Spencer call on a dare?  
  
 **Harriet_Vane:** I think it'd have to be. And Brendon's like, bored, and they end up talking about music. So Spencer calls back and Brendon's like, "Um, my boss is coming in? So I kind of do need to talk about sex for a while? How do you feel about blowjobs?" But it's weird to talk about them, so Brendon has to be all, "Relax, I'm a professional," and it's just lame enough that Spencer laughs, and then they start talking sex.  
  
And no. Spencer doesn't mind.

 

 **Elucreh:** CALL ME! CALL ME! CALL ME! Like Felicia in that Streisand movie. *G* **[Editor's Note: scene from The Mirror Has Two Faces, which is an AWESOME romcom, you can watch the scene[here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIFNqrs_DFA&feature=youtu.be): ]**  
  
When they meet IRL do they immediately recognise each other's voices, or are we going to draw it out more than that?

**Harriet_Vane:** YES.

I don't know, I'm leaning toward them meeting through Jon Walker, and maybe Brendon figuring it out first?

I am also leaning toward maybe a fight about it, and then being stuck together on a group project, idk.

**Elucreh:** College AU with BONUS PHONE SEX? Your brain is the best brain

**Harriet_Vane:**...it's basically the corset au but with phone sex. Except I think Brendon knows, and maybe since Spencer did it on a dare he's all loudly "I WOULDN'T DO IT FOR REAL, GROSS, THAT'S FOR LOSERS, HAHAHAHA, IT WAS HILARIOUS," and a dick about it, so Brendon doesn't say anything, only then Spencer calls back and they have an awesome conversation despite Brendon being kind of huffy at the start.

..Just. I want them to have a lot of really filthy phone sex, and then long stupid conversations about bands, and in real life maybe not get along so well and be grumpy with each other.

**Elucreh:** Because Brendon is all, hey hypocrite! And Spencer is all, why is this tiny weird dude so hostile? FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! And Jon and Ryan are all...dude. We need weed so we can pretend we are not watching the most epic mating dance ever.

**Harriet_Vane:** YES. That's it exactly! In real life Brendon is terribly grumpy and hostile and snappish and maybe not so cute, with his glasses and his ill fitting shirts. (In my head it's them in this picture, all unwashed and tired and in college.) But on the phone he's so smart and hilarious and his VOICE is totally sexy.

**Elucreh:** I think this group project should require them to have like, one big opinion thesis, and Spencer picks one side, and Brendon picks the other one just to be contrary. I don't know enough about music to come up with a topic, though.

**Harriet_Vane:** Oh, it could be a required political science course or something. I just want them to be in the library after everyone else's gone home, driving each other crazy arguing over nothing and totally not noticing that they're basically falling in love like in a 30's screwball comedy.

> **Elucreh:** SIDENOTE: I know I have eight million WiPs, but SOMEBODY should write me a Brendon/Spencer _Bringing Up Baby_ AU, okay? SPENCER JUST WANTS TO FIND HIS DINOSAUR BONE AND GET MARRIED!! Brendon has a leopard! I mostly just want to read about Brendon serenading a leopard, I will not lie.

**Elucreh:** Anyway. So yes. They are in the library, arguing, and they take a break to go the vending machines and get coffee, and then they get into an argument over whether Snickers or Hundred Grand are a better candy bar, and when they get back the lights are dim because the library is about to close, and the rest of their group have packed up and left.

**Harriet_Vane:** I have to go to bed (boooo) but is it too much to ask that they get locked in the library overnight? Alone together?

**Elucreh:** Still bitching and trying to find a way to be comfortable in those weirdass reclining armchairs--we'll just borrow the furniture from my school's library--and finally doing the huffy good night thing and going to sleep? And in the morning Spencer wakes up first and the pale light is creeping in and falls across Brendon's tired, peaceful face and for a moment--just a moment--he thinks that he could maybe really _like_ this guy.

And then Brendon wakes up and snaps at him for staring and being creepy and not having, like, a four-course breakfast waiting, and he's all, okay, he's pretty but he SUCKS.

**Harriet_Vane:** Yes! The waking up is PERFECT, hee. He feels all self-conscious because he kNOWS Spencer disapproves of him, even if Spencer doesn't.

But maybe before they fell asleep there was some quiet talking and bonding and like, A Moment when they almost kissed? :D

(Seriously. going to bed.)

**Elucreh:** Dude, libraries are fucking _creepy_ at night, so they kind of maybe huddled together a little more than either of them wants to admit. And there was this thing where Brendon started to talk about a ghost story set in a library that his older brother told him when he was six that he still has nightmares about, but then he...stopped. Because like, last weekend he and that brother had this really fucking awkward conversation about whether he was coming home for his new nephew's blessing and he just...he doesn't want to talk about his family right now. And Spencer, who knows that kind of family pause because he is friends with Ryan, just kind of let him trail off and bumped his shoulder sympathetically.

**Harriet_Vane:** Awwwwww! So they talk about their worst professors and stuff until they're both yawning and a little bit snuggled and spencer thinks brendon sounds so familiar but he's too tired to worry about it.

And then when they wake up spencer thinks about how pretty brendon looks, and then brendon is a bitch at him.

...Also at some point in here ryan gets a 700 dollar phone bill that he doesn't THINK is his, but he's such a failboat he can't be sure, and he sets detective jon on the case. (Not a real detective. Just better than ryan.)

For a story with a phone sex operator, this lacks sex. :((((

**Elucreh:** The phone sex is all in, like, interludes. They meet! PHONESEX!!!! They pick a topic for their project! PHONESEX!!!! Jon drags them to a bar where they snark at each other all night! PHONESEX!!!!

**Harriet_Vane:** Yes! And everyone else is like, "why on earth don't they just have sex already?" Because they won't stop bickering, and it's pretty clearly sexual tension.

Ok, so they fight all through the group project. I think maybe ryan and jon invite spencer to one of brendon's recitals, and maybe brendon sings on the phone sometimes, and that's when spencer realizes. And that's when jon realizes.

**Elucreh:** Oh god, WHAT DOES JON DO? It's something intended-to-be-helpful-but-

bad, isn't it?

**Harriet_Vane:** Probably! He means well, ooor jon. I can't think what, as I am actually falling asleep.

..In fact, I was so tired I forgot to hit send. I am a GENIUS.

Anyway. Spencer feels lied to and Brendon feels judged and Ryan is confused and then Jon better do SOMETHING, because otherwise there will be no in-person hot sex. :(

**Elucreh:** I think the phone bill should be involved somehow, like Brendon should overhear Spencer discussing it or something.

**Harriet_Vane:** With Ryan? Or with Jon?

**Elucreh:** So, like, Spencer storms out at intermission, and Jon and Ryan follow him out, and Jon's going AHA and Ryan's going ??????

And Jon's all, the phone bill is your fault, isn't it? And Spencer spins around and is like, You KNEW? YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? SCREW YOU!

There can be a big public fight in the middle of the lobby, with all these well-dressed people staring

**Harriet_Vane:** Jon's all, More to the point BRENDON KNEW, and maybe you shouldn't have spent 3,000$ on phone sex and then called him a bitch! Because he really liked you, and you made it SUPER HARD! And Spencer's all MAYBE HE JUST LIKED HIS STUPID PAYCHECK AND LYING TO ME! and there is lots of shouting, because mostly Spencer feels duped and grumpy about it.

**Elucreh:** Meantime, Brendon is backstage completely UNAWARE of all this! But the thing about the intermission at Brendon's concert is that HIS FAMILY ARE ALL OUT THERE MAKING SURE KIDS USE THE BATHROOM AND BUYING OVERPRICED DRINKS FROM THE LACROSSE FUNDRAISING COMMITTEE. And nobody says Brendon's name during the loud parts, thank god, but when they take him out for ice cream afterward all anybody can say is, "You were so good, but who were those loud rude people talking about phone sex during the intermission?" and Brendon is all X-0

**Harriet_Vane:** Is brendon doing it so that he can pay for school because his parents aren't?

Hee, and Brendon has to try and edge around the topic and ask what they were talking about without making it sound like he knows anything about it. And then Brendon realizes it was Spencer and Jon and then he feels really kind of sick and has to pretend he doesn't until he can go home.

**Elucreh:** Either they aren't or they said, "We can pay state tuition, or BYU tuition, but if you want a fancy music program out of state you will have to pay the difference."  Or maybe he is just so intensely interested in music--private lessons in a couple of instruments, that kind of thing--that he is doing it so he can afford somebody good to work with him. (My friend who was a piano performance major was paying an astronomical amount for monthly private lessons with one of the PhDs who ran the program; if Brendon is looking at weekly sessions in two or three instruments that would add up pretty fast.)

**Harriet_Vane** : When I was on scholarship, too, it covered food and housing, but not stuff like eating out with friends (obviously) or buying clothes. And I'm going to say Pete runs the phone sex line and offered Brendon lots of cash, fast.

I think Spencer plans this big angry confrontation, but Brendon's just... nowhere to be found. And Spencer doesn't want to call the phone sex line again to get in touch with him, but seriously, he has vanished off the face of the earth.

  


**Elucreh:** And he doesn't want to ask Jon, or go hang around the practice rooms or anything, because, like, it isn't like he _wants_ to see Brendon, he just wants to, like, be angry at him. And...shut up, Ryan.

**Harriet_Vane:** Right? He wants a confrontation where he can yell a lot and be the injured party. He definitely isn't hoping Brendon will apologize and then they can make out. At all. Just because they've apparently already talked about sex is no reason to hope that anything will happen. Not with Brendon. Eww.

Shut UP, Ryan.

**Elucreh:** Meanwhile Brendon is HIDING. Hiding from Spencer and hiding from Jon, even, which is kind of stupid because hi, Jon KNEW he was doing the phone!sex, but it was never a _thing_ and now it's a _thing_ and ARGH. Also, Pete's guest bed may be comfortable but Pete has weirdass parties and also his mother's voice inside him is reminding him that it's rude to just show up and crash for weeks on end, even though Pete doesn't actually care.

**Harriet_Vane:** YES. But finals are coming up, and he can't study or practice at Pete's house, and he is forced to go to a coffee shop to try and get some reading done, and he deliberately chooses the one where Jon doesn't work, so he won't run into anyone, but of course Spencer is also avoiding getting teased by Jon and Ryan, so of course he's there, too.

  


**Elucreh:** Brendon's sitting in a back corner with his books all spread around him, humming to himself and slurping obnoxiously to make sure the background noise in his head is all music and coffee and has _nothing to do with Spencer_ , when the bell over the door dings and Spencer walks in--walking quickly, in a hurry, because there is this study group he is on the way to but he _needs coffee_ \--and then he sees Brendon and he. Stops. And neither of them know quite what to do.

**Harriet_Vane:** Spencer thinks that this is his big chance to yell at Brendon for lying to him, so he kind of starts to say something, and then what comes out is, "Hey." And then Brendon mumbles, "Hey." And then, instead of yelling, Spencer says, "I didn't realize it was *you*. I wouldn't have said that stuff if... I didn't know it was you." Brendon shrugs all bitterly and says, "It's cool. At least that way I knew how you actually felt," and stares at his coffee, and this is not how Spencer planned for this to go.

**Elucreh:** "I didn't--I mean." Spencer stops and looks at Brendon helplessly. He--Brendon looks so--but  Spencer remembers the way Brendon laughed at him, low and intimate, when he talked about the Backstreet Boys; remembers Brendon's soft voice singing "Here Comes the Sun" and the way he sat and talked Spencer down from freaking out about Jackie's car accident at three in the morning once. It _felt_ real, it felt like Brendon cared about him and trusted him and was happy in their conversations, and after a minute his eyes drop, and he asks the floor, "Did you--did you mean it? Any of it, were you--you've been so--if you--why did you--was it just the money? Was it just--are you like that for everybody, are you--" his arm comes up and he sort of flails with it.

**Harriet_Vane:** Brendon makes a face. He sounds a little flat when he speaks, but Spencer knows Brendon's voice kind of unreasonably well, and he can tell Brendon's actually upset. "Usually it was just work," he says. "I'm kind of good at it, which is ironic, because real sex wasn't so much my thing in high school. But I didn't... I never actually talked to anyone else. Not about stuff. It was just 'ohhhhhh, what are you wearing?' It was never, 'Hey, Pet Sounds is my favorite Beach Boys album, too.'"

Spencer hadn't realized just how badly he wants those conversations with Brendon to have been special until he hears that. And then his mouth goes dry. "I wasn't calling for the... The dirty talking," he says uncomfortably. "That was great. But it was more the... stuff."

"Yeah," says Brendon. "Our stuff was pretty good."

  


**Elucreh:** "But then why did you--fuck." Spencer put a hand over his eyes and rubbed tiredly. "I mean--I get the whole, the fuck off vibe, I was--it was a shit face-to-face meeting, I get that, and I--I _am_ sorry, I--but--you kept talking to me. On the phone, you were--if you were mad, why were you still--god, I didn't even put it together until you sang. It was like you were someone else. Why weren't you just as pissed when I called as when...?"

**  
**

**Harriet_Vane:** "I'm a professional," Brendon says coldly. Spencer stares. After a second, Brendon deflates. "Fine," he says. "I liked talking to you. Face to face I kept thinking about how much you... Y'know. Disapproved. But you called again, you hypocrite, and you were funny, and you thought *I* was funny, and you knew your shit with trip hop, and it wasn't... I didn't..." He looks at his hands. "It wasn't actually very hard to pretend I wanted to have phone sex with you."

**Elucreh:** Spencer's breath stutters sharply in his throat. Brendon's head is bent over his coffee cup, and he looks tired and pale, with the light falling on his face the way it did that morning in the library and Spencer feels the shock of remembrance, another rush of wow, _Brendon's beautiful_ , but Brendon isn't just beautiful or tired now, he looks sort of bitter, too, and hurt--even a little ashamed of himself, that he couldn't hate Spencer even though Spencer was such a dick to him.

"Brendon," he hears himself say, pleading a little. "I never meant--"

Brendon looks up sharply. "Don't, okay? Just--if you're ashamed of--it" and Spencer hears the pause, hears the _me_ that was meant instead--"let it be, all right. I'm lying to enough of the people in my life. Enough of them lie about me. I don't need to be somebody else's dirty secret."

**Harriet_Vane:** "I thought it was weird and kind of stupid," Spencer says, and Brendon rolls his eyes, knuckles going white around his cup. "I called on a dare. But I wouldn't have called back if you hadn't been so... You. And then in real life -- I mean, in person -- you were awesome, too. And I mostly said that shit because Ryan was making fun of me, but even after that I called because I... I liked talking to you. I liked talking to you whether I knew it was you or not. But if I'd known it was you, I probably would have called *more.*"

Brendon looks up sharply at him. Spencer shrugs, trying not to let himself blush, because it's so stupid. "I think you're hot, and your voice is sort of amazing, and the idea of you talking dirty... It's better if it's you. It was good before, but it's better if it's..." He gestures sort of lamely towards Brendon, because he thinks it might be inappropriate to say, "You're pretty, your mouth is ridiculous, and your ass is already guest-starring in my wet dreams."

**Elucreh:** Brendon opens his mouth, and then he closes it again. His eyes narrow. "What does that _mean_ , though, Spencer? If Ryan teases you about it, what are you gonna say? If people ask you what I do, what are you going to tell them?"

**Harriet_Vane:** "Well, I'd probably say you're a music student," Spencer admits. "Because that's how I think of you. The other stuff you do... That's kind of private. I don't think you'd want me running around bragging about how I met you on a phone sex chat line. If it'd make you happy though, I'll tell people I called one and it was pretty awesome."

"You'd say that, and you'd roll your eyes, and--" Brendon starts.

"No," says Spencer. "I'd say I called it, and I talked to a hot, smart, funny guy, and it was great. I... I might stop short of telling them what the number was, though. Because I don't love the idea of sharing you."

"It's my *job*," Brendon says sharply.

"Yeah," says Spencer. "You're way too good at your job. I don't need every guy on campus following you around with big hearts in his eyes. I can't handle that kind of competition."

**Elucreh:** "Because the hearts in _your_ eyes have been so apparent," Brendon says dryly.

"I didn't _know_ , okay?" Spencer says, stung. "I didn't know why you were snapping at me and as far as I could tell you basically took one look at my face and started acting like a bitch for absolutely no reason. It wasn't because I didn't--" he stops to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"So  maybe you hurt my pride," he admits, finally. "Maybe Jon had spent weeks telling me how awesome you were and maybe I noticed your mouth in all the pictures on his Facebook and maybe I really wanted to make a good impression, all right?" He blows out an exasperated breath. "And I obviously hadn't and I just--it kind of stung, you know?"

**Harriet_Vane:** "Practically the first thing I heard you say--" Brendon starts.

"Yeah, because Ryan was making fun of me, and talking shit with each other is what we do. But I called again, didn't I?"

There is a really long, awful pause, and Spencer wonders if Brendon's going to be too stubborn and too angry to say anything else. That would suck.

"Mine, too," says Brendon quietly.

"Yours too what?"

"My pride." Brendon taps his fingers against the table too quickly, and his knee is jittering under the table. Spencer doesn't think it's from the coffee. "You hurt my feelings, and I was trying to feel like I was better than you were, so I was... I was pretty nasty. And then I'd forget to be nasty, because you're funny, and smart, and hot, and then I'd have to be twice as mean."

There's something important in that sentence, but Spencer gets a little stuck, and blurts, "I'm hot?"

****Elucreh:**** Brendon eyes him skeptically. "You know, Spencer, there are these shiny reflective surfaces people put in bathrooms, some people call them _mirrors_..."

"Exactly my point," Spencer says sharply.

****Harriet_Vane:**** "Oh, come on," says Brendon, rolling his eyes. "You know you're hot."

"I didn't know *you* thought I was," Spencer argues, and then stops himself. "Hang on, I forget how we started snapping, here. Listen, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot in person, and I really like you, so can we just..."

  
**Elucreh:** "Just what?" Brendon asks, one eyebrow raised, but the corner of his mouth is curling like he can't help it.

Spencer growls and eats the distance between them in two short strides, dropping to his knees beside Brendon's chair. One hand curls in Brendon's sleeve as he leans in close. "Just--"

  
**Harriet_Vane:** Brendon goes totally still under Spencer's hand. "Hey," he says, sounding a little breathless, and Spencer can't tell if that's "Hey, let go of my sleeve," or "Hey, look how close your mouth is to mine."

  
**Elucreh:** "Hey," Spencer says back, uncertain again, and his hand softens in Brendon's sleeve like he might be about to back off again.

  
**Harriet_Vane:** "Can we just *what*?" asks Brendon, and  Spencer can hear how hard he's working to keep his voice steady.

"I'd like to try," says Spencer. "I'd like to try to be friends."

  
**Elucreh:** Brendon's face falls a little. "Oh," he says, teeth catching at his bottom lip. "I--yeah, I'd like that, too."

Spencer can't quite take his eyes from the corner of Brendon's mouth. "And I--if we can do that, if we can be friends--I'd really like to ask you out sometime.

  
**Harriet_Vane:** "I... even though you know I..." Brendon says uncertainly.

"Well, it's kind of nice to know that if we get as far as sex, it's gonna be awesome," says Spencer. He could lean in and kiss Brendon. He's thinking about it.

  
**Elucreh:** Brendon _blushes_. Never in a million years would Spencer have ever dreamed that the guy who talked so enthusiastically about rimming him could turn that color of red.

**  
**

  


**Harriet_Vane:** "I actually have to go to a study group," Spencer says. He's a little bit delighted, and feeling a whole lot better. "But maybe you could stop hiding from me? And we could go on a date sometime?"

"I wasn't hiding," says Brendon. Spencer gives him a long look. "I wouldn't mind not staying at Pete's house, since I never get any sleep there," Brendon concedes. "Fine."

"So," I'll call you?" says Spencer. Brendon raises an eyebrow. "Not like that!" Spencer says quickly. "Actually call you."

**Elucreh:**  
"I...yeah," Brendon says, and he's still red but he's smiling too. "I'd like that."

THE END?

**Harriet_Vane:** Listen, it can't be over until it has A) phone sex B) the part where they fight a lot and have stupid crushes, and C) actual sex. Those are the rules!

**Elucreh:** I just meant the, like, narratal (watch me make up words) end, not the end of _writing it_ , but even so that would leave out C, okay. But YOU start the phone call where Spencer asks for a date, okay? I am on the way out the door but I will be checking my e-mail on my lunch hour and I will do my best to write you some phone sex then too!

...and then we got distracted and never actually wrote any sexiness because we like writing UST better than actually Ring any ST.

THE ACTUAL END

**Author's Note:**

> ...sorry the title is so ironic


End file.
